InsaneJournal

Tasteless
I think right now is when I realized how truly poor I was. I'm back in school which means now I have payments to worry about. I have yet to buy my books for my current classes. My health insurance bill came in the mail. If I don't pay that off, I'll apparently get fined due to Massachusetts state law. My cell phone bill came in as well. I owe about 170 dollars. I would like to know how it got that high. Actually, I already know. My brother texts like a fucking fiend which is costing me a lot of bloody money. He's not an idiot though. He just doesn't know that it'd cost me that much money. I just have to talk with him about it. So I can't pay off my college payments and I can't pay off my cell phone bill. I have enough to pay off my health insurance and that's it. I really need to rush on finding a job. I'm not entirely sure on how the interview went with Circuit City. I just dropped off my application to GameStop yesterday.

I think I may be sick. My sleep schedule is still fucked up. I sleep ungodly early and wake up ungodly early. After going to the mall, I just head to bed. It was around 5 or 6 PM. I woke up at around 1:30 AM. I can stay awake through school but forget it when I get back home. I just wonder if there's something wrong with me. I'm not sure but there might just be. Not having a job has its freedoms but it sure doesn't allow me to live much. I may have to apply even at the lower end fast food restaurant. I wonder if, sooner or later, things will go my way. I can only hope right now. You know, sometimes I feel that technology is my only true friend. Video games, the Internet, all of that stuff. It gives me an escape like no other. It's like my form of drugs. They cost about the same and are equally as addicting. I just wonder, will things be okay? Sometimes, I just wanna say, "Fuck it." There are just moments when I don't want to wake up. Then again, sometimes I do because for some strange reasons, I have obscure nightmares. Every night. I haven't had every day nightmares since I was an elementary school kid. Now that I'm older, they're worse and more grotesque than ever. As of now, I just need to try to stay positive. I think my strive into staying positive is the only thing keeping me alive right now. If I let this stress get the best of me, I don't see myself going anywhere but being a fucking loser drug addict like my mother's side of the family, or worse.

Please, don't see me as a pity case. I just have a lot on my mind right now.

I think I'll do my next review on Final Fantasy III. I'll play some of it before I get ready for school.